Learning to be still

Once again it's the close of winter quarter.
I reflected on this time last year, and realized that Winter Quarter is just rough for me.
I'm tumultuous inside. Whether it's the solemness of the Lenten season, or just the long drag of gray skies, frigid winds and hard truths, it's simply heavy. So, in following tradition (and this time with some help from Learn To Be Still by the Eagles):

Winter Quarter has brought...

...the realization that I fear the future. I fear change because I relish in moments that are dear to me. Then I grasp then so tightly I suffocate them and mourn their passing even more. My palms sweat and I look with fear to what could be coming, though it's never what I except. I've grabbed so tightly this quarter that I fear I missed moments because of it. I'm striving to let go of that fear.

It's just another day in paradise, As you stumble to your bed
You'd give anything to silence Those voices ringing in your head
You thought you could find happiness Just over that green hill
You thought you would be satisfied But you never will- Learn to be still

...surprises. Those kinds of surprises where you've all but thrown hope out the window, closed the blinds, crossed your arms and crumpled in frustration. Those are the moments God slips in a surprise that was there all along while you were so desperately trying to knock down every other door. I am weak. I cannot do this on my own. God is my only guide and it's amazing how much I resist.

We are like sheep without a shepherd We don't know how to be alone
So we wander 'round this desert And wind up following the wrong gods home
But the flock cries out for another And they keep answering that bell
And one more starry-eyed messiah Meets a violent farewell- Learn to be still Learn to be still

...the necessity to pray. To submit and thus, to live. To seek truth, though lies are easier. To find peace because I will never be enough. To stop waging war and simply pay attention. To listen and not have all the answers. To trust God and to trust where God's taking me. Friends and family have shown me the power of prayer, the power of support and simply believing in one another. The power of laughter and simple words that bring you through those dark tunnels. I wouldn't give those hard moments up for the world because they make this side of the tunnel that much more...awakened.

Now the flowers in your garden They don't smell so sweet
Maybe you've forgotten The heaven lying at your feet
There are so many contradictions In all these messages we send
(We keep asking) How do I get out of here Where do I fit in?
Though the world is torn and shaken Even if your heart is breakin'
It's waiting for you to awaken And someday you will- Learn to be still Learn to be still

...learning to be still. Because that is the only way I can truly listen and respond.

You just keep on runnin' Keep on runnin'