Newness

During the hiatus on this here blog...

... I got married (!!!)

... spent a glorious week saturated in Disney adventure

... and am attempting to settle in to this newness. New apartment. New journey of walking life with my husband. New name. And all with a spectrum of emotions.

A friend of mine shared this quote with me:

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. -Anatole France, novelist, essayist, Nobel laureate (1844-1924)

It beautifully sums up where I am. I've really never been good at change. I always suffer whiplash and take a bit more time than some to adjust. It was harder coming back and jumping into daily life than I thought. Who doesn't feel morose after spending blissful, carefree days on beaches and being catered to for a few weeks? So much excitement, anticipation, friends, family and events! Food, music, and the big event! Then whisked away to a warm and dreamy vacation (with Mickey too!) were beyond expectation and so perfect. Not in a "everything went exactly as it was supposed to" way, but as in my heart was so full and sure that it all was exactly how it needed to be.

Coming back and suddenly switching gears to working, bills, our mess of an apartment which were working (slowly) to turn into a home resulted in me crashing - I was still in dreamy vacation land and felt like I got dropped on my head. First of all I got sick and didn't get out of bed for two days. My body's response to the emotional roller-coaster of planning, executing and oh yeah, attending the wedding! How could time fly? How can it be August? I kind of thought the world ended after July 16, 2011 because that date was such a focal point for so long! Tomorrow it will be one month. One month(!) and I reflect on our humble journey for 30-some days. Full of laughter, frustration, schedules, endless phone calls, and to-do lists. I can't wait for it all to continue and I'm also sitting in the midst of letting go of what was. Singleness. Self-focus. Bostrom. They are all a part of me, but I have to fully turn this page to read the rest of the story. A story I'm blessed and excited to create.

These encouraging and wise words from my friend echo and settle into this place of reflection and acknowledgment. Acceptance and releasing. Anticipation and patience. Overflowing love and drops of grief.

"Soak in these changes, which I know you will, but allow yourself to feel the truth of *all* your emotions. Don’t try to rush away the sad things, give wide-open space to them and offer them their proper due. They have things to teach you, too."