Blessings

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So I went to the dentist this week after following their recommended regimen after my frustration with so many cavities. And I followed that regimen to a "T"...brush twice a day, floss every day, rinse with fluoride, use flouride toothpaste and get a night guard. SIX months...and I only missed ONE day of that routine o-n-e (which was last week...and I know things don't happen that fast). So I am ready for a gold start or something and instead I get: "You chipped off a part of your tooth and now there's a cavity under the filling we did six month ago."

My gold star just bashed me in the mouth and gave me a cavity! BAH are you kidding?

So, now I am frustrated and have to go back for more drilling grinding and numbing because some people are just more prone to cavities.

But in this story is a nugget of blessing.

One. We discussed was soda...even diet soda...which can really cause issues. Well, that's convenient because I decided a while ago that I am giving up soda for the first time ever during Lent. Now with even a bit more incentive...i want that gold star dangit!

Two. Cavities are expensive which irritates me to no end, especially when the insurance has a clause that they won't cover a filling in the same tooth except for every 2 years...but God listened to my moaning and groaning and wondering if that means less flower arrangements for the wedding but before I even asked, God blessed me with a miracle. The payment will be covered! I rejoice in God's goodness and the kindness of others!

Which brings me back to the lessons I've been learning this past week about blessings.

I have a fear about blessings - because I feel incredibly blessed looking at all God has given me throughout my life and feel like I cautiously poke my head around the corner at what's coming next with much anxiety of what tragedy is sure to come - because I look around and see the suffering and struggles and know I can't be this "lucky" much longer! I confessed this out loud to my small group which was a big step because it meant I admitted it. I didn't hide any longer behind the belief that if I don't say this aloud then God won't know and the tragedy won't fall on my head.

Later that week, Nick and I were reading The Prayer of Jabez and Chapter 2 was, surprise, all about blessings:

""Ask," promised Jesus, "and it will be given to you" (Matthew 7:7). "You do not have because you do not ask," said James (James 4:2). Even though there is no limit to God's goodness, if you didn't ask Him for a blessing yesterday, you didn't get all that you were supposed to have."

"That's the catch - if you don't ask for His blessing, you forfeit those that come to you only when you ask. In the same way that a father is honored to have a child beg for his blessing, your Father is delighted to respond generously when His blessing is what you covet most."

"Or perhaps you have slipped into a ledger-keeping mind-set with God. In your blessings account you have a column for deposits and one for withdrawals. Has God been unusually kind to you lately? Then you think you shouldn't expect, much less ask for Him to credit your account. You might even think He should ignore you for a while or even debit your account by sending some trouble your way. This thinking is a sin and a trap." (emphasis mine)

After reading that last part I paused with my mouth open. That described, better that I could ever articulate, exactly how I feel. I feel that my account has continually been deposited in and I am fearful for the day God debits my account significantly to 'balance' everything out. Isn't that rent check due soon? Aren't there outstanding bills?

That is not how the goodness of God works!

It was as though as soon as I voiced that fear out loud God breathed: "Finally! Now I can address your fear!" He spoke through that little book and again spoke as Pastor Richard talked about how when we ask for things and God says no - that doesn't mean He doesn't love us. It means it's not the right time or He has something else in store - but that doesn't mean you should stop asking for specific blessings or blessings in general! The example he gave was: "If I really want an omelet and I ask my wife to make me one and she says no (because of time, ingredients, circumstances etc) if doesn't mean she doesn't love him...or more drastic that she doesn't exist!" Yet - that's the response many of us have when God says no and we don't get to see or understand the why. We write Him off an being spiteful - or further proof that He doesn't exist. But the truth is God wants to bless you and you need to be in the habit of asking!

Alright, Lord, I'm listening.

"...Oh that you would bless me and enlarge my territory..."! (1 Chronicles 4:10)