Forced flying

Due to my Discipleship class I've been reading three amazing books which I highly reccommend:
Transformational Discipleship By, Greg Ogden
Spiritual Discipleship By, Oswald Sanders
Discipleship (or Called and Committed) By, David Watson
These books have me thinking and are quite convicting. Below was from an assignment but it touches on many of the things I've been thinking of writing about here lately...this coming season of change.

In Transformational Discipleship, Ogden references a quote from C.S. Lewis that was a beautiful description of finding your identity by losing it. Lewis says: “The more we get what we call “ourselves” out of the way and let Him take us over, the more truly ourselves we become” (108). I think this is the root of why transformation is so difficult for me. I’ve gripped onto an identity, a sense of myself that I’ve mostly constructed and to lose that is a scary proposition! Watson spoke of this in Discipleship as: “dying to our rights and privileges, dying to our respectability, dying to our ambitions, dying to our comforts, dying to our independence and self-sufficiency, dying to our self-preservation” (250). Transformation is glorious and joyful as we enter into our new identity with Christ, but the pain and difficulty of transformation is never really mentioned. The list Watson gives encompasses the very things we so precariously cling to in order to define ourselves as valuable beings, yet Christ is asking us to give those up for His sake, for the Kingdom’s sake and because it is what we are called to do. And, most importantly, only then we will find who we are: “It is when I turn to Christ, when I give myself up to His Personality, that I first begin to have a real personality of my own” (Ogden 108). 1 Peter talks about purification by means of fire: “…so that the genuineness of your faith, more precious than gold which though perishable is tested by fire, may resound to praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ” (1:7). Transformation is not painless as it involves sacrifices, giving up your cushion of illusory control and quite frankly, this scares me to death! Oswald Sanders mentions in Spiritual Discipleship this idea of change: “The presence or absence of spiritual maturity is never more noticeable than in one’s attitude to the changing circumstances of life. Too often they generate anxiety, anger, frustration, or bitterness, whereas God’s design is always for our spiritual growth” (83). This season of my life constitutes a lot of imminent change. I’ve nestled like a baby bird into this warm and comfortable nest called SPU keeping low and tucking my wings tightly away ignoring the coming boot that will force me to spread wide those wings and pray like hell they work during the terrifying free-fall. Am I going to find a job? Where will I live? Will I go home? How will this affect my current relationship? What if God calls me far away? How will I discern His call/will? I am a type A in need of my calendar and color-coded schedule and I am about to have a panic attack with this barrage of questions circling in my head. From Sanders list, anxiety and frustration top my list of emotions wasting the most of my time these days. I am slowly learning what trusting God and His faithfulness is all about. After all, I somehow survived the transition here didn’t I? I remember driving up to Seattle from “safe and comfortable” Colorado realizing I didn’t know a soul in Seattle, I had no idea what to expect and kept wondering how on earth I’d decided on this crackpot idea. But in reflection, I didn’t decide – God did and He’s been ridiculously faithful and blessed me beyond measure. So, duh, why am I worried? God’s here beside me, I recently found this anonymous saying that I love: “The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.” Transformation and changing circumstances go hand-in-hand for me right now, I know I need transformation but my obsession with control and disobedience to God is my biggest barrier. Perhaps this coming time of change and transition is just the thing I need to let go and follow Christ’s will. Ask any bird that’s soaring and playfully dipping and gliding in the sky and I am sure they will say getting thrown over the side of their safe nest was the best day of their life.