Spring time in the Northwest...it's still raining.

Overwhelmed.
That is the theme of today. I feel completely overwhelmed.
I'm not yet at the overwhelmed where I am in hysterics crying and screaming because the madness has not yet started. However, these past two days of "first" classes and syllabi have forecasted overwhelming-ness. But, at this moment it's the kind of feeling where they forecast a blizzard, but I'm standing in the sunshine, so I'll just shrug my shoulders and move forward.
Check back...this blog could be amusing around the middle of April and May.

Mother Nature welcomed the students to Spring Quarter with cold winds and lots of rain. As if to say, Spring Break is over sucker.

Even with the storm clouds on the horizon and my knowledge that this quarter is going to kick my butt, I AM SO EXCITED FOR IT! I love each and every class I'm in, and I've had all the professors before and I can hardly wait to enjoy this quarter while it overwhelms me. In the past months when I have swayed back and forth with majors and life decisions I've realized that THIS is where I need to be. I am so happy and fulfilled in this moment. So, here is what will run my life for the next 10 weeks:

Curriculum and Instruction. Every time I mention this class people told me things such as: "oh wow - good luck with that one!" "It's going to be the most intense class you'll ever take" "It is going to run your life." Wow, thanks. I'm not intimidated or anything. Today was the first class and Dr Smyth only reiterated what everyone told me! However, I am excited for this challenge and during the course of 10 weeks I will write my own curriculum for high school youth. I can hardly wait to see what my blood, sweat, tears and energy produce!

Leadership in Ministry. This class is going to be good, I love Dr. Drovdahl and am excited about the content. It is a "W" course (which stands for Writing intensive), but after taking that "W" course in english last quarter I feel like I will survive just fine. Dr. Drovdahl only requires three 4-5 page papers (that I get to set the deadlines for...amazing!) as opposed to the three 3-4 page papers (plus re-writes of all of those) and the 12-15 page paper (plus the re-write of that) from my crazy English course. Never again. Never again.

UCOR 2000 The West and the Word with my all time favorite professor Dr. Stiling. There's something about the history teachers in my life. They are incredible and have instilled in me this absolute fascination and obsession with history -- and life in general. Each has prodded and encouraged me. I couldn't be more thankful. Thus, I am all too excited to have a class from him!

Gospel Choir: is going great. We are preforming an original oratorio that Dr. Newby and Dr. Marsh (who teach at SPU) wrote! It's an amazing experience and I love singing with that group. It's amazing and humbling to be in the presence of such talent as Dr. Newby and Dr. Marsh and I know my singing skills are improving!

Community Bible Study. I couldn't pass up this opportunity to take another course with Dr. Drovdahl. Plus it's on 1 Corinthians which I don't know very much about. This course will challenge me and force me to keep my nose in the Bible where is belongs. With everything else grabbing my attention, this course will help center my anxieties, stresses and apprehensions.

PA Class! I had the first one today. It feels so strange to think of myself as a PA. A few months ago I was pretty sure this is not what I wanted, but doors have opened and my mind has changed. I'm so excited to see what next year holds and just what I've roped myself into. I know this course is going to be fun...and challenging (a common theme this university seems to give at every chance). It's going to be a bit more work than I expected (homework-wise), but I'll manage.

So, that is the grand update of my life. It's been so long since I last posted. I was burned out of writing. I spent Spring Break recuperating from my exhausting quarter and working. Working, is honestly so relaxing to me. My boss continually tells me that I can take a day off if I want, and during the Winter Break crisis they told me I didn't have to show up - they'd understand. But, honestly, that's what kept me sane. I could go there and accomplish something, be surrounded with co-workers whom I love and just have that part of my routine stay normal.

I've prattled on long enough.
Time to start this crazy quarter.

A light at the end of this cold tunnel...finally

As Winter Quarter comes to a close...

...I have officially become addicted to coffee. I said I would never be a coffee lover. It was gross. Well, today I ordered regular drip coffee from Pura Vida and enjoyed it. We bought a coffee maker and I've utilized it more than once. Starbucks and coffee shops have become my favorite stop.

...I turned into a jogger. Something else I said would never happen. But, it did. And I enjoy it. I'll enjoy it more when it's not always on a tredmill - when it's warm enough to venture outside and not get rained on.

...I learned that English is simply not the major for me. While I've never felt more defeated and exhausted in a subject, I know that my writing has improved (even if some of my professors think otherwise). I'm anxious to see what's behind "door #3" because Door #1 proved nothing, Door #2 proved to be a headache, and hopefully Door #3 will bring some peace of mind.

...Animal Biology is really fascinating.

...I need to keep praying. Pray. Pray. Pray. My life belongs to God and its due time I stop trying to be in charge. He made that loud and clear with these stupid English classes. The only way I'm going to move forward and get through is prayer. After the opportunity of listening to Metropolitan Kallistos, I keep thinking about his message on prayer. And how relaxing it is to whisper the "Jesus Prayer" throughout the day.

After a quarter where I feel like I was dragged through the mud, it comes to an uncertain end. I hate how I let grades define me. There comes a point where my best is simply not going to be enough. I just need this next week to be over. I just need the ridiculous re-writes, papers and finals to end. I'm out of steam. I was out of steam since the beginning, which makes this last week even harder.

Bleh. Winter-time blues.

A,B,C not so easy as 1, 2, 3

I woke up this morning and the sun was big and golden and it lit up my room is the beautiful golden glow - it felt like a dream. In fact it felt and looked so much like a dream that I turned off my alarm, rolled over and fell back asleep.

This week has been really draining.

It's provoked a lot of thoughts.

I look at this picture and it takes me back to when I stood there in the cold just watching. The stillness. The peace I felt.

I wish I was still on the farm.

One more week and Winter Quarter will be finished. For better or for worst.

Winter Quarter is not my favorite.

I haven't had a spare moment to myself in quite a while.

I wanted to update, but after spending every waking moment writing papers and preparing presentations the last thing I wanted to do was write again. I feel like anything and everything I'm saying is random babbling while my mind busily runs through everything I have to accomplish.

This morning is smelled like fish, and saltwater outside. It was really strange. We're close to the Sound, but I can't imagine why it smelled so strongly this morning. It made me smile...though...because I like living by the ocean and it was the smell you get after a day of playing in the ocean.

This Sunday, March 9, means I have officially been 20 for six whole months.

So strange.

I forget what age I am. People ask and I nearly say I'm 18 and then I stumble over my words and it comes out "eighuhmohtwenty" That's a good age. Eighuhmohtwenty.

Twenty just sounds silly on my tongue.

Yet, it's been six months.

So strange. The 16th and 17th century poetry I'm studying is all about time. The writers lament and complain about time all the, well, time. I do too. There's not enough. Or, when I'm in some classes there's too much. At night I'm sure time cheats and speeds ahead, but when I'm waiting for someone, or the bus, or a phone call. Time stops for a cup of coffee and quick nap.

Time. I have a bone to pick with you.

Stop trying my patience.

Stop running me ragged.

John Donne says it best in "The Sun Rising" (though the context is a bit out of place...I can still relate to his complaints):

BUSY old fool, unruly Sun,

Why dost thou thus,

Through windows, and through curtains, call on us ?

Must to thy motions lovers' seasons run ?

Saucy pedantic wretch, go chide

Late school-boys and sour prentices,

Go tell court-huntsmen that the king will ride,

Call country ants to harvest offices...

With that said. I'm going to go beat time (especially since we're losing an hour this weekend, that's even more unfair) and finish what I need to.